I hated myself. For a long time. I hated my face, my body and even my glorious boobs lol.
Seriously though, it was not a fun time in my life. You can read about me being a Fashion Liar here.
I dressed poorly and told myself some horrific things. Things I would never utter to another human being but I was perfectly at peace to say them to myself. I was super hard on myself. I'm still hard on myself but I've learned to love myself too. Before I would say that mean stuff but never apologize to myself for it. I don't say such harsh things to myself now and if by chance if something does slip in, I apologize to myself right away.
The title of this blog post assumes that you're unhappy with your appearance. I hate making assumptions so why would I assume that you're unhappy with how you look?
Because I googled "Depressed about my looks" to see what would pop up, hoping it wasn't much. But unfortunately or fortunately? I found a ton of crappy advice.
Most of the advice that I found was to accept the way you look, stop wearing makeup, stop looking at fashion magazines, etc etc etc.
It was multiple articles of crap. It was so bad and pissed me off so much that I decided to write this post. I cannot have people out there listening to shitty advice.
Our mission is to help you ryze up, and this post will definitely do that, as long as you want it too and take the steps to change.
1. The first thing to do if you're unhappy with your looks, is to change your mindset.
Whoa Cyn! Slow down!
Ok Ok, I know, I know. I had no idea wtf that was either when I first started this journey. I didn't get what it was or why it was so important. I read Mindset by Carol Dweck as recommended by Tom Bilyeu and it was a huge eye opener and game changer for me. I highly recommend it!
Mindset is defined as; "the established set of attitudes held by someone."
Also known as your beliefs. It's the things that you believe about yourself, your body, and life in general. We all have tons of beliefs and most of yours probably need to be changed. If not then you wouldn't be here reading an article about changing your appearance eh?
It sounds like it's a hard thing to do but it's really not. It's just flipping the switch in your brain and going totally in the opposite direction that you've gone your entire life. If you normally go right all the time, now it's time to go left! 'Cuz guess what? Going right hasn't done shit for you all this time.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result" ~Albert Einstein
I started slowly. I only did things that gave me butterflies in my tummy. For example, when I met J-Ryze he suggested that I post a selfie of myself on my Instagram. At the time, my Instagram was full of my art, my kids and, maybe two, very covered up selfies.
When he said selfie, he didn't mean the kind I had posted.
Oh no! He didn't mean just any ordinary selfie. He meant one where you could see my chest and where I played up my looks.
But wait...I hated my looks. Was he crazy or was I?
After almost a year of knowing him, I can definitely say that I'm the crazy one lol!
Anyway, the thought of posting a selfie where I was celebrating my looks instead of hiding them was crazy to me. I got butterflies in my tummy at the thought. I knew that whatever I was doing before wasn't working so I had to make a change. Since this selfie thing was totally outside of my comfort zone, I did it.
I'd love to say I was hooked lol but I wasn't. It took about 1738 selfies like that to feel comfortable taking them. I don't take that many anymore because now I'm super comfortable showing off my looks in a pic. But video is a whole other ballgame for me, still.
Before that first selfie, I was a mess. I hated how I looked. Did that selfie change that? Actually yes! It wasn't a huge change but it worked. The more I took them, without makeup at first by the way...
the better I felt about myself. After about a week of selfies, I thought...Hmmmm I know I can look better and take better pics. And I started wearing makeup. Just mascara and lipstick. That's all I still wear now. Sometimes I wear eyeshadow but my usual routine is mascara and lipstick, that's it.
One of my latest selfies
But those selfies were the baby steps I needed to take to change my mindset. That action helped me gain momentum and it led to more self confidence, more happiness and more love for myself.
I don't remember the day I stopped hating myself but I do remember the day I looked into the mirror and genuinely thought, "damn, I'm hot!". I had never had that thought before. Ever. It was New Years Eve 2018.
Changing my mindset was the most important part of my change. Without that I couldn't actually change my appearance.
2. Change any negative self-talk, your body hears and gives you what you're focused on.
“The way you choose to think and speak about yourself (to yourself and others), IS A CHOICE! You may have spent your whole life talking about yourself in a negative way, but that doesn't mean you have to continue that path.”
You can stop right now. This second. Just remember that you are your best friend and no one is coming to save you. I'm here to help you but I can't do the work for you.
You have to get up and go lock yourself in the bathroom and look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself you love yourself.
Go do it now. I'll wait...
It doesn't matter what anyone outside of that bathroom thinks about you. Not your spouse, not your friends, not your kids, not your boss, none of them! No one's opinion matters about you except your own!
You have to love yourself if you want to make changes. And you can't love yourself without saying loving things to yourself. How many times have you heard a friend, colleague, or family member put themselves down? What did you say? Did you agree and say "yeah you're right, you suck!"?
I bet you told them "No way, you're beautiful/awesome/etc" to make them feel better, right? So why don't you do that for yourself?
Start with some affirmations. I used to write them on index cards and would read them every day until they became ingrained into my brain. I still do affirmations everyday but I find that it's more impactful if I look at myself in the mirror and say them out loud.
J-Ryze posted some affirmations on Instagram about a month after we met and I started with them until they were part of me and then I went on to find more. But these affirmations that he wrote are an excellent way for you to start saying loving things to yourself! I loved these so much we put them in our book,
Now that you've changed your mindset, you've got the affirmations down, what next?
3. Focus on things you love about yourself.
If you focus on the crappy parts of yourself then you keep getting crappy parts.
Now, it's time to focus on the sexy parts, the parts you love, inside and out. I love my boobs so that's what I focused on in the beginning. Then it was my lips. Then my eyes and on and on until I found that I really loved every inch of my body. I love the way it is today and I know it will be better tomorrow because I love it today.
Yes! You read that correctly! If you love your body the way it is today, it will be better tomorrow. Focusing on loving our bodies brings more love for our bodies and that brings more happiness and love for ourselves.
"Where focus goes energy flows" ~Tony Robbins
If focusing on physical features is too difficult at first then focus on the non physical. Focus on how amazing of a job you do when you make your bed. How great of a friend you are. How good of a cook, photographer, etc etc. Whatever you love about yourself that you can focus on. Praise yourself when you do the things you're great at.
OMG look how kick ass I made my bed today! Whoo hoo! I crushed it! Yay!
You might think getting excited and praising yourself for something so small is stupid and a waste of time but you would be wrong. Those little things add up all day long. Every time you crush a goal you've set, it builds up your self confidence and helps you focus on the good stuff. That will make you happy and then you will love yourself more.
4. Alignment, and I'm not talking about for your car-- I mean alignment with your vibration.
This isn't woo-woo stuff. This step is vital to changing your appearance. You gotta be in alignment to change. It's that simple. So what does being in alignment mean?
Abraham Hicks says it's when we're "tuned in, turned on, tapped in."
It's when we're happy. We're feeling in flow. You know that feeling you get when you come? lol!
Yeah, you know that yummy, perfect feeling like everything is right with the world? That's how I feel right now while I'm writing this. While I'm writing anything, well lately anyway.
Ive been writing for most of my life but during the period of my life when I hated myself and everything I did, writing felt like an obligation, a chore, so I stopped. It hurt me too much to write. Reading my writing hurt too. I studied English and Writing in college with the hopes that one day I would be a published author. I wanted to write a book, but I wasn't ready then.
I mean technically I did write a book already but I didn't lol!
J and I made 'Soaring Beliefs' together. I wrote parts of the book but I didn't actually write the all the words inside, J-Ryze did. And he did an amazing job. We both did. It's an incredible, life changing book!
So while it counts and it was fun, it wasn't enough to satisfy my lust for writing. This blog has though. It's the first thing I've wanted to write in years.
Every time I sit down and to empty my heart on these pages, I feel it. I can feel myself slipping into alignment. I'm completely one with source. I'm in flow and my vibration matches that of my vortex.
Check out more information about your vortex here.
So how do we get into alignment? Ohhhh that's easy and so fun!
What makes you feel as good or feels like coming? if it's coming then do that! Do whatever gives you that easy, flowing, happy, blissed out feeling. Whatever it is, the hours slip by and go unnoticed by you because you're in alignment. You don't eat, drink or talk much because you're so focused and enjoying yourself. That's the key, the enjoyment.
It won't be hard, it will be easy peasy pie. And you will love every second. Just like I am right now.
Once you've changed your mindset, changed your self talk, start genuinely loving yourself, and are in alignment...then you're ready to change your appearance. It's simple and easy once you're in alignment.
5. How to actually change your appearance.
Your mind is super powerful. You can change your eye color, heal cavities, grow bigger breasts, or change your body using only your mind.
You have to believe you can change. If you don't believe that you can change your body using your mind, the Law of Attraction, then you're right. It won't work. It all comes down to belief. You have to believe that you can change. If you practice the alignment with what you want, you will receive the action to take to change your body, if that's the path of least resistance for you.
So if one day you're painting or writing and you have the desire to go to the gym, then that's the universe showing you the path. The path of least resistance is the one that will lead to you changing and having whatever it is that you desire.
So many people focus on the how. How do I change this? How can I get that? How will it happen?
Don't worry about the how. It's the universe's job is to show you the path but you won't be able to see it until you're in alignment and you believe you can.
You have to trust in your own power and trust that the universe has your back. You have to believe and have complete, blind trust that it is coming.
Speak out loud to yourself, to the universe and encourage yourself by saying "I know it's coming. I know I am the creator of my world. I don't know how and I don't know when but I know it's coming."
Those words will help boost your energy to help you manifest. You must have as little resistance as possible.
The result is inevitable.
But if you're feeling a need, or desperation then it will be take longer. Those negative thoughts won't get you the results you want. That's resistance and that's what will keep it from manifesting right away. You have to appreciate what you have already, right now. Love yourself and be satisfied, now, so that you can change yourself and your body.
How can I believe more?
People believe in themselves and do the "impossible" everyday. Think about the mother that can lift a car off of their child or person who transforms themselves from a 300lb couch potato to a slim sexy, model. It happens all the time. Go on YouTube or Instagram and look for people who have transformed themselves. Look for evidence and success stories. Look for videos of other people manifesting their desires.
Go check out my girl, Juliet Cleary on YouTube, she's awesome and a wonderful Law of Attraction coach. She's got some great, free videos. She's helped me tremendously!
Only find positive stories, only look for positives of things. It will help you manifest and believe it more by seeing the positive. If you want a great channel about beliefs and believing in yourself check out Evan Carmichael's channel. He has a few channels and he even has a channel en Español!
If it wasn't for Evan, I wouldn't be writing this. His videos gave me so much hope and belief in myself in the beginning of my journey. He helped pull me from the Matrix (as did Tom Bilyeu and his wife, Lisa ) but it was because of Evan that I met J-Ryze.
Meeting J completely changed my life in every. single. way! J is the one who helped me go from tiny baby steps to huge leaps and bounds on the daily.
I would do anything for him!
If you change your mindset, love yourself, focus on the positive, practice alignment and believe that you can change your appearance then you can. I know it. I've done it.
When I met J-Ryze I was a size 22 (or 24 I can't remember now) and that was at the end of November 2018. It's now August 2019 and I'm a size 8. And I keep shrinking. Just today I had to make my bra tighter!
Do you know what I eat? Whatever I want.
How? oh that's a whole other blog post lol!
But, it's all about my belief. I believe that everything I eat and drink is good for my body and gives me the body of my dreams. I believe that everything I eat is metabolized quickly by my body and goes straight to my ass (I'm growing my ass and want it nice and round)!
I do yoga but not for weight loss. I do it because it's fun and feels good. I lift weights too for the same reason. I only do it when it's fun and I feel like it. Because when it's fun and I feel like it is when I'm in alignment and when I get whatever it is I'm wanting.
So how did I lose all that weight and transform myself?
By believing I could and visualizing.
Every night before bed I would visualize the body I wanted. Since I love fashion, I visualize a fashion show. I wear whatever it is that I always wanted to wear. I see myself looking curvy and sexy in a string bikini or a super tiny, short dress, or booty shorts etc. Whatever I'm feeling that night, it doesn't matter. The clothes change but my body always looks bangin'! There's no doubt in my mind that I will have the body I've dreamed about my entire life. Not just my body but my life. I have huge dreams and goals. I KNOW they will come true, because I believe it, I see it and I FEEL it.
The feelings of having it already are vital to this process as well! I will go further into that in a different blog post.
Believing it, visualizing it and feeling it are the ways to change your appearance and have the life, body and looks of your dreams.
I know that the Universe always has my back. And I know that it always has your back too! You just gotta believe.