Slick, Epic List of BDSM & Kink Terminology

Posted by Cynthia Moreno on

The Language Of Kink & BDSM

Note: We're all individuals, and no labels can box us in. The terms below are to help you navigate convos & situations, not to be used to judge others. Many terms that seem negative can be 're-claimed' as positives, such as "slut."

Note 2: As well, the definitions aren't 'official', they're just the best explanations we can offer at the moment.

Kink Terms Quick List

# 24/7 [ twen-tee for-sevan ] A D/s relationship which is in effect 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. See also: TPE. Example:  "Oh, our kink isn't kept to the bedroom, Diane, we're 24/7."
A Aftercare [ aff-tur cah-air ] The time after a scene or session in which the participants calm down and slowly adjust to reality. Aftercare may be important to one or both participants to prevent later emotional breakdowns. Common forms of aftercare are: being away from noise or activity; physical closeness and touching with the partner; hydration with water or sport drink; keeping warm. Example:  "my favorite part of a session is the loving aftercare that my Daddy gives me."
Age Play [ ayj play ] A scene (or whole relationship) where the submissive dresses and acts younger than actual age, ranging from infant to adult-child. May or may not include sexual relations. Does not include or imply aspects of incest or pedophilia, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student. Example:  "Yes, my partner and I are totally into age-play."
Animal Play [ an-i-mal play ] When the sub behaves (and/or cosplays as) an animal. The main theme of this role play is often the voluntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to it's primal nature. Example:  "Animal play is my kitten's favorite kink."
hands bound with rope BDSM
B Body Worship [ baw-dee wur-ship ] The honor of showing respect to every part of the Dominant’s body, often by kissing, licking, or sucking. May involve rituals Example:  "I love when I get to lick my Dom and He just lays back, enjoying the body worship."
Bladder/bowel control [ Blad-er/bou-uhl kuhn-trohl ] this requires the submissive to ask permission before using the toilet. It trains the submissive to be able to eliminate in the Dominant's presence. It's meant to be an invasion of privacy as a form of humiliation. It can be a way to let a Dom into the most intimate aspects of the sub's life with no boundaries or 'closed doors'. Example:  "Having bladder and bowel control over her is humiliating and she loves it."
Bondage [ bon-dij ] The physical restraint of a partner. Bondage may refer to total body restraint, or restraint of certain body parts, such as breast bondage. Example:  "Soft, cotton rope is best for bondage but it's not the only way to restrain a sub."
Boot worship [ boot wur-ship ] The honor of showing respect for the Dominant’s footwear, often by kissing, licking, sucking, or by cleaning/polishing and can be a ritual. Example:  "As a service sub, i adore boot worship."
Branding [ bran-d-ing ] Scarring of the skin using a heated object. Can be semi-permanent or permanent as a way to mark the submissive. Example:  "Master is considering branding me so everyone knows who i belong to."
Brat [ brat ] A 'bratty' submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. This seems like a negative quality; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants. Example:  "my Daddy doesn't like brats but i love being bratty sometimes."
Breath Control [ breth kuhn-trohl ] When the Dominant controls the submissive’s breathing, often by choking, hand over mouth or other forms of asphyxiation. Please make sure if you engage in this type of play that you learn more about it. Here's an amazingly detailed PDF all about it. Example:  "I'm not really into breath control but i love being choked."
Bullwhip [ boo l-hwip ] A type of single tail whip with a woven or braided leather whip, usually longer than 4′, with a short handle. Example:  "I'm tempted to use the bullwhip on her when she's being a brat."
Butt-Plug [ buh t pluhg ] Much like a dildo but shaped a bit differently. Usually has a flared base to prevent it from entirely entering the rectum. They come in a variety of styles and sizes. Example:  "Wearing a butt plug daily helps you fit your Dom."
C Cane [ keyn ] A thin rod used for striking. Commonly made of hardwood, bamboo, or acrylic. Example:  "The cane is the most painful implement, in my opinion."
Cat-O-Nine Tails [ kat-uh-nahyn-teylz ] A whip with nine tails or lashes. It can be braided or knotted at the ends. Example:  "I love when the cat-o-nine tails wraps around the side of my hip for that extra bite."
Chastity [ chas-ti-tee ] A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the choice of their partner; sometimes by means of a device called a chastity belt (or for men a cock cage) that prevents stimulation or makes it painful. Example:  "Many submissive men enjoy chastity."
Clover Clamp [ kloh-ver klamp ] A specific type of nipple clamp consisting of a clamp with a lever mechanism to which a chain or cord is affixed in such a way that pulling on the chain or cord increases pressure on the clamp Example:  "Clover clamps have a serious bite. I love them."
Cock Ring [ kok ring ] A device put around the penis to keep an erection. Example:  "A cock ring can make sex last longer."
Collar [ kol-er ] Any symbol used to represent that a submissive or slave is Owned. Often an actual collar, but can also be anything from a anklet to a bracelet to whatever the “couple” decides it to be. Example:  "I have a collar in every color to match my different outfits."
Collared [ kol-er-d ] A submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Owned. Example:  "I'm a collared slave."
Consent [ kuh n-sent ] Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing bdsm relationship. Example:  "Every person in a scene must give prior consent before playtime."
Contract [ kon-trakt ] A written agreement between the Dominant and submissive. Generally, it outlines the structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries of the relationship. It is not, nor is it intended to be, legally binding. Example:  "Karen's new Dom made her sign the contract he wrote."
Corporal Punishment [ kawr-per-uhl puhn-ish-muh nt ] Punishment involving pain, often more specifically impact punishment. Any activity involving discipline through physical means. Example:  "Daddy is very strict and enjoys corporal punishment, as do i."
Corset [ kawr-sit ] Clothing for transforming the body, usually into an hourglass shape. Example:  "I love how sexy a simple corset makes a woman's body."
Cosplay [ kos-pley ] Dressing up by one or both people in a scene to enhance the session and make it feel more "real".Can be doctor, policeman, teacher/student, anime, movie or cartoon characters. Example:  "Let's hit 'Party City' and stock up on cosplay stuff before the munch."
Creampie [ kreem pahy ] Male ejaculate (come) dripping,or overflowing from the vagina or ass in which it was ejaculated. Example:  "She loves creampies she begs me for them."
Crop [ krop ] A thin, flexible instrument used originally used for horseback riding. It's made with a rigid but flexible shaft with leather wrapped around it, with a handle at one end and often with a small (but can be wide too) leather loop at the other. Example:  "The crop stings in the most delicious way."
Cuckold [ kuhk-uhld ] A man with a fetish for watching his wife have sex with other people. Usually the husband knows and wants it but a cuckold can refer to a man who doesn't know his wife/partner has sex with others. She may have one or more regular lovers. The husband may or may not be there during the 'cheating'. Example:  "He longed to be a cuckold and watch his wife enjoy many lovers."
Cunnilingus [ kuhn-l-ing-guh s ] Oral sex performed on a female. Example:  "He'd perform cunnilingus for hours 'til I begged him to stop."
Cybersex [ sahy-ber-seks ] Engaging in sexual acts over the internet. This can be done via text messages, video chat or phone call. Example:  "My sub loves cybersex but I can't wait to meet her IRL and show her how it's done."
D D-type [ D tahyp ] A universal term to include every form of Dominant. Daddys,Doms, Dommes, Owners, Tops, etc. Example:  "my D-Type likes to be called Daddy."
Discipline [ dis-uh-plin ] An activity when one person trains another person to act or behave in a specific way, often by enforcing rigid rules or by inflicting punishment for failure to behave in the agreed way. Example:  "I prefer for her to always follow the rules. But if she doesn't I'll gladly discipline her."
Dollification [ dol i fi cay shuhn ] The process of transforming, mentally and physically, into a “living doll.” Those who have completed their transformation as well as those who are in the midst of the transformation or have already achieved an end result are referred to as “dolls,” and most desire to be owned. The people involved in dollification are referred to as “Owner”and “doll”; this is comparable to a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship. Example:  "I have a serious dollification fetish."
Domdrop [ dom drop ] An emotional condition caused by the sudden drop of adrenalin from intense BDSM play. It can manifest in a variety of emotional responses, such as anger or depression. It’s the reason aftercare is important for both the Dom and the sub. Example:  "I enjoy aftercare and I know it's vital 'cause that Domdrop is no joke."
Dominant [ dom-uh-nuhnt ] A person who exercises control in a D/s relationship. Can be used for any gender. Can be called Dom, Domina,Domme, Master, Mistress. But not to be confused with Top. A Top is a person who exercises control in a BDSM scene but may or may not be Dominant full time. Example:  "i'm naturally Dominant in my life but when i'm with my Dom, i'm his slave."
Dom [ dawm ] A male Dominant. Example:  "i worship and adore my Dom."
Domme [ dawm ] A female Dominant. (Also, Dominatrix and Domina.) Example:  "i used to be a Domme until i realized all the fun was on the other side of the whip."
Dominate [ dom-in-ate ] To have power and control over another person. In BDSM, it means having the control in a power exchange relationship Example:  "I love to dominate strong women."
Doormat [ dohr-mat ] A vanilla term meaning to be “being walked on.” A typical vanilla view of the concept of submission. Example:  "i may be submissive but i am no doormat!"
Drop [ drop ] When a top or bottom feels bad after playing. For a sub it's subdrop, for a Dom it's Domdrop. Aftercare prevents drop for everyone involved. Example:  "Daddy makes sure we have enough aftercare so we avoid the drop after we play."
Dungeon [ duhn-juh n ] A room or area with BDSM equipment and play space. It could be a corner in someone's house, a facility owned or rented by a BDSM club, one or more elaborate rooms in a public club. Example:  "It's my job to clean the dungeon when we're done using it."
Dungeon Master (DM) [ duhn-juhn mass-tur ] The owner or host of a dungeon facility, or host of a play party. The person in charge of an event, whose decisions should be accepted and respected by everyone attending. (Also, Dungeon Mistress.) Example:  "Stop bitching about that guy, Karen! Tell the DM that he's bugging!"
E Edge Play [ ej pley ] The type of play that pushes the limits of the people involved. Also used for potentially dangerous activities such as fire, electricity, cutting, or breath play, which require careful study and practice before attempting. Example:  "I enjoy some light edge play like knife play and electricty play; both can be fun!"
Edging [ ej-ing ] A sub is brought to the edge of orgasm, then being denied release, sometimes done over and over again. It may be done by their Dominant, or they may be allowed to masterbate. If eventually allowed to orgasm, it will be more intense. Example:  "I have a love/hate relationship with edging. I love (& hate!) being told no!"
Electricity Play [ ih-lek-tris-i-tee pley ] This type of play involves the use of electrical current or electricity to stimulate a person. Some common forms of electrical play include using high-voltage, low-current devices such as violet wands or the use of controlled pulses of electricity to induce muscle contractions as with a TENS unit. Example:  "Violet wants are a great way to experiement with electricity play".
Erogenous Zone [ ih-roj-uh-nuhs zohn ] An area of the body especially sensitive to sexual stimulation.Not only the 'typical' places like the genitals or breasts. There are MANY areas on the body that can be touched to reach orgasm. Example:  "He makes my whole body feel like one giant erogenous zone."
Exhibitionism [ ek-suh-bish-uh-niz-uh m ] Displaying “taboo” actions or portions of the body to others. This could be for the pleasure of the exhibitionist, or ordered to by a Dom, to expose them to humiliation. NOTE: Please know that a part of “consensual” includes NOT involving innocent people around you in public who, by definition, have not consented to being involved in your play. Example:  "I'm not a big fan of exhibitionism unless I'm ordered to do it."
F Face fucking [ feys fuhk-ing ] Forcing a person to perform fellatio on a penis or a dildo. Example:  "Face fucking makes me come."
Facesitting [ feys sit-ing ] When one partner sits on or over the other’s face, to allow, or force, oral-genital or oral-anal contact. Example:  "Facesitting is also known as queening"
Fellatio [ fuh-ley-shee-oh ] Oral sex performed on the penis or a dildo. Example:  "my ex hated fellatio and i love it.
FemDom [ fem dom ] A female Dominant. Usually refers more specifically to a relationship between a female Dominant and a male submissive Example:  "Karen is a sexy FemDom
Feminization [ fem-uh-nahyz-eh-shuh ] A male being made (sometimes forced) to dress up as a female, usually in frilly, girly clothing and makeup. Example:  "Tony is into forced feminization.
Fetish [ fet-ish ] Sexually aroused by a specific object, body part, or activity not usually associated with sexual arousal. Anything can be fetishized. Example:  "I have an oral, leather and latex fetish.
Fire Play [ fahyuh r pley ] Using flammable liquids to make quick, fleeting instances of flame on the skin of the bottom. Caution: this is considered edge play, and should be studied with one experienced in the practice.. Example:  Fire play sounds like it would hurt but could be fun to try some time."
Floating [ floh-ting ] How subspace or Domspace is often described by submissives and Dominants. Example:  "BDSM scenes can leave me floating for hours or even days afterwards.”
Flogger [ flawg er ] A tool for impact play, consisting of a handle with multiple lashes attached to it. The lashes are typically made of leather, but may also be made of materials such as rope, suede, horsehair, or even rubber. Example:  ”The flogger is my favorite tool for impact play.”
Fluid Exchange [ floo-id iks-cheynj ] Any activity in which bodily fluids may be exchanged. Fluid exchange activities are often prohibited at play parties, except with one’s own partner(s), for health reasons. Often it's requested to “bring your own toys”, which should never be shared.. Example:  ”I'm only into fluid exchange with my Dominant.”
Foot Worship [ foo t wur-ship ] To ritually respect the Dominant’s feet, commonly by sucking, kissing, and/or licking. May include washing and/or pedicures. Example:  Foot worship seems to be most popular with FemDoms.”
Forced Orgasm [ fohrst awr-gaz-uh m ] An orgasm induced in a person against their will, or despite their having been denied permission to orgasm. Example:  ”Daddy enjoys giving me forced orgasms, after i've orgasmed on my own, for hours.”
Furry [ fur-ee ] One who assumes an animal’s character in play. Often wears a costume, but usually only for the session. The most common are: ears, makeup, tail, or animal-print clothing. Example:  Furries are so cute.”
G Gag [ gag ] Any device or object placed in the mouth, most commonly to prevent a person from speaking or making loud sounds, some gags are made to hold the mouth open. Example:  Gags can be useful for a noisy sub.”
Gates of Hell [ geyts uhv hel ] Male chastity device for enclosing or restricting penis and testicles. Example:  The gates of hell aren't a big deal. 'The Punisher' is far worse.”
Gimp [ gimp ] A body suit, usually with face covering, sometimes with genital openings, made of plastic, latex, leather or can be a combination. Humiliation, or dehumanization fetishes. Example:  ”Zed:'Bring out the gimp.' Maynard:'The gimp's sleeping.' -Pulp Fiction”
Golden Shower [ gohl-duhn shou-er ] Being urinated on by another person. Example:  ”Karen is into giving a golden shower so she drinks lots of water all day long.”
Good Pain [ good peyn ] A level of pain which the sub or bottom can bear without causing long-term physical or emotional harm. Example:  ”All of Daddy's pain is good pain to me.”
H Hair Bondage [ hair bon-dij ] Bondage technique where the hair is secured in such a way as to limit movement of the bound person’s head, upper body, etc. Example:  Rope bondage is easier when the sub has long hair.”
Hard Limit [ hahrd lim-it ] What someone absolutely will not do, usually non-negotiable. These limits may or may not change over time. Example:  ”Blood play is a hard limit of mine.”
Harem [ hair-uh m ] A group of submissives in the service of one or more Dominants. Example:  ”my Daddy wants a harem of subs under His control.”
Harness [ hahr-nis ] A series of straps for showing off, as in pony play. Also can be used for bondage or suspension. Example:  "I'm not a fan of a strapy harness on my slave unless it's made right.”
Heteroflexible [ het uroˈflek ible ] A person who identifies as mostly heterosexual but is willing, in some situations, to have contact with the same sex. Example:  ”Mark's sub is heteroflexible but only plays with other girls when she's told.”
Hobble Skirt [ hob-uhl skurt ] A long skirt which is very narrow below the knees. Made to restrict movement and cause very small steps. Example:  ”You have to be careful when walking while wearing a hobble skirt and heels.”
Hog Tie [ hawg tahy ] When one or both ankles are bound to the wrists, usually behind the back. Example:  ”Karen chased that guy down and hogtied him in less than 60 seconds.”
Hood [ hooh-d ] A covering made out of leather, latex, or PVC which totally encase the head. Some hoods have openings for eyes, nose, and/or mouth. Example:  ”i used a latex hood once in a scene but i felt too claustrophobic"
Humiliation [ hyoo-mil-ee-ey-shuhn ] Humiliation can be any number of things, from gentle teasing to objectification. Like pain, humiliation is desired by many submissives, as well as being pleasurable to many Dominants. It can also be a way to push limits, Example:  ”Karen is a humiliation queen! ”
fem sub being spanked by male Dom BDSM
I Impact Play [ im-pakt pley ] Striking different parts of the body with various objects, including the hand, riding crops, floggers, whips and canes Example:  Impact play feels sooooo good!”
Informed Consent [ in-fohrm-d kuhn-sent ] In order for consent to be genuine, the consenter must know all significant information about the object of consent.Example: A person consents to participate in “rape play”, but is not informed that a third party has been invited to take part. Another aspect of informed consent is that the person is capable of consenting; not under the influence of alcohol, drugs, coercion, exhaustion, or subspace. Example:  Informed consent is vital to all play but especially edgeplay scenes.”
Interrogation Play [ in-ter-uh-gey-shuh pley ] A play scene where the Dominant is questioning the submissive in a form of torture or cross examination. Example:  ”Sam gets really into her interrogation play, you really believe she's a cop.”
J Japanese bondage [ jap-uh-neez bon-dij ] Any of a number of styles of rope bondage artistic display is more important than simple utility. Example:  Japanese bondage is quite intricate and the sub must be super patient. ”
K Kidnapping play [ kid-nap-eng pley ] A play scene which the sub is forcibly restrained and sometimes taken to another location for further play. Example:  Kidnapping play sounds like something I would try with a Dom I trust.”
Kink [ king k ] Unconventional sexual preferences or behavior. Example:  ”I love all things involving kink!”
Kink-Friendly [ king k frend-lee ] Someone who provides a professional service, such as a doctor, counselor, leather worker, carpenter, etc. May or may not be into D/s themselves, or may be one who is accepting of D/s as a healthy lifestyle choice and is willing to help a kinkster with their needs, and maintain confidentiality. Example:  ”Karen, do you know a kink-friendly gyno? These thigh-bruises are hard to explain.”
Knife Play [ nahyf pley ] The use of knives in a scene. Often for the psychological effect, without actually drawing blood; but sometimes used to cut as well. Example:  Knife play is so scary but exciting and fun to me.”
L Leather [ leth-er ] 1. As a culture. The leather culture is traditional style of BDSM, whose origins are post-World War II and came out of the combination of some motorcycle “gangs” and male homosexual BDSM. This culture is credited with originating the concept of the BDSM “club”, which later spread through other orientations to give rise to the many hundreds of clubs now in existence. Some leather clubs are rigid about their rules. A member must 'move up' through various ranks over the course of years. This type of system is often referred to as “old school”. 2. A delicious smelling fabric made from cowhide and used to make leather toys. Example:  Leather families usually have strict rules about joining & moving up in ranks.”
Limits [ lim-its ] What someone will not do (hard) or is hesitant to do (soft). Example:  ”Daddy and i had a long talk about our limits before we ever played.”
Lingum [ ling-guh m ] Tantric term for the penis;Female equivalent: yoni. Example:  ”A small lingam was enshrined by the local devotees.”
Little [ lit-l ] One who takes the role of a submissive child in age play. May or may not be sexual; does not imply actual incest or pedophilia! Example:  ”i'm a little babygirl and my Daddy is my caregiver.”
M Masochist [ mas-uh-kist ] A person who enjoys receiving pain or humiliation. Example:  ”i'm a total masochist, i crave His pain!”
Master [ mah-ster ] Another word used for a Dominant. Usually the Master owns their slave. But some Doms like the to use the word even if they don't own slaves and have submissives. Example:  ”Karen's Master is quite strict with her and her slaves.”
Mental Bondage [ men-tl bon-dij ] Being forced to remain in a position by orders of the Dominant. Example:  ”Daddy's mental bondage is stronger than any ropes or chains could ever be.”
Mindfuck [ mahynd fuk ] Playing with one’s concept of reality; to cause a state of confusion in the most delicious way. Example:  ”His mindfuck game is strong!”
Munch [ muhnch ] A meeting of a group of kinksters at a “vanilla” place such as a club or restaurant, usually for discussion, not play. Munches are often used to introduce prospective club members before giving them sensitive information, such as the location of meetings or play parties, or identifying information of any club members. Some munches do have the privacy to allow light play, so it is best to contact the organisers before you go along if you are in doubt, in order to know what to expect. Example:  ”Karen, are you going to the munch next month?”
N Needle Play [ need-l pley ] Temporary piercings done with sterile needles, usually only during a scene. Please take precautions against infection. Example:  ”i'm not really into needle play personality, but i think it looks cool AF.”
Negotiation [ ni-goh-shee-ey-shuh ] When both/all parties sit down to discuss their needs before a scene, or during the formation of a relationship, in which the parties reach agreement about the goals, expectations, and limits of one another. Example:  Negotiation is essential before stepping into a scene with anyone new.”
Nipple Torture [ nip-uh l tawr-cher ] Pain play. Many players use techniques and devices such as needles, nipple clamps, ice and heat. Example:  ”i can handle a lot of nipple torture and i really enjoy it.”
O Objectification [ uh b-jek-tuh-fahy ] The subject is dehumanized; treated as ananimal, slave, furniture, toy, thing. Example:  ”Daddy will use objectification to get me into subspace quickly.”
Orgasm Control [ awr-gaz-uh m kuhn-trohl ] the person is not permitted to reach orgasm without permission , or for a set period of time, or sometimes not at all, even though they may be permitted (or required) to engage in sexual activity. Example:  "Karen uses orgasm control with all her slaves.”
Owned [ ohn-ed ] The state of a submissive or slave who is the consensual partner of a Master or Owner, usually in a long-term relationship. Sometimes referred to as Collared. Example:  ”i am a collared, owned slave.”
P Pansexual [ pan-sek-shoo-uh l ] Not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity. Example:  ”Karen is pansexual easily playing with people no matter their gender.”
Paraphilia [ par-uh-fil-ee-uh ] Erotic enjoyment based on an object, activity, or body part not generally considered sexual; stuffed animals, shampooing, noses. Example:  ”Mark's paraphilia is brushing someone's hair.”
Pegging [ peg eng ] Using a strap-on dildo for penetration usually applied female-to-male anal. Expanding the anus to facilitate anal sex, fisting, etc. Example:  ”Karen enjoys pegging her male slaves.”
Permission [ per-mish-uhn ] Most power exchange relationships require the submissive to ask permission for certain things. For example to leave the Dom’s presence, to go to the bathroom, to eat or drink, to have an orgasm. Example:  ”i must ask Daddy permission to do anything or go anywhere. i love that about Him.”
Pervertable [ pur-vert-eble ] Common items which normally aren't used for sex can be applied for sexual, fetish, or other BDSM purpose. Some examples are: wooden spoons, spatulas, clothes pins, belts, saran wrap, chopsticks and toothpicks. Example:  ”I have a drawerfull of pervertable kitchen gadgets.”
Pet Play [ pet pley ] A submissive is treated as a loved and valued pet like a puppy or a pony. Example:  Pet play is really cute. I love seeing sexy pony girls pulling a Dom on a cart.”
Play [ pley ] 1. To engage in a BDSM scene or session. 2. A type of fetish activity, like humiliation play, age play, toilet play, edge play, etc. Example:  ”I love to play and do it every day.”
Play Collar [ pley kol-er ] A collar used only during play time or at BDSM events. A play collar does not signify that the submissive or slave is owned but may signify that s/he is committed for the night or session. Example:  ”i have a lot of play collars and love to change them often.”
Play Party [ pley pahr-tee ] A gathering for the purpose of enjoying BDSM play. Can be held at someone’s house, or in a club or commercial space Example:  ”We attend a different play party once a month.”
Play Punishment [ pley puhn-ish-muh nt ] Punishment which happens for fun during play. The aim of this is not to correct behaviour, but to experience the punishment itself. Example:  Play punishment is so fun!”
Poly [ pol ee ] Short for polyamory which means the practice or of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners. Example:  ”i live a happy and fulfilledpoly lifestyle.”
Polyfidelity [ pol ee fi-del-i-tee ] A group of people committed to each other, not having sexual or romantic ties outside of the commitment the group, sometimes also called a family or polygamy. Example:  ”Mark's house is a polyfidelity house and everyone has to agree to play with others.”
Polysexual [ pol ee sek-shoo-uh l ] Having sex with multiple partners without commitment. Often done in group parties. Example:  ”My friend Nancy is polysexual but always practices safe sex.”
Power Exchange [ pou-er iks-cheynj ] Any situation where two or more people consensually agree to a relationship in which one person assumes authority and one person yields to the authority. Relationships based on indefinite power exchange are often referred to as Total Power Exchange. The point is the conscious construction of a power dynamic in which at least one person assumes psychological control over at least one other person. Example:  ”Daddy and i live a 24/7 total power exchange and it works for us.”
Predicament Bondage [ pri-dik-uh-muh nt bon-dij ] A type of bondage in which the intent is to place the bound person in an awkward, difficult, situation, or to set out a challenge for the bound person to overcome. Example:  ”i'm not really into predicament bondage i usually end up getting mad.”
Primal Play [ prahy-muh l pley ] Primal play is a style of BDSM that focuses on raw feelings and actions come as natural impulses and urges. Social norms are discarded for a very unfiltered self.The politically correct gives way to emotions and sexual desire that ranges from happiness, joy, playfulness, silliness, sadness, and grief. Primal play allows the submissive who loves to be completely dominated to experience their fantasy. It involves using the kink tools we were born with: nails, hair, teeth, and skin. This type of play is based around the concept of going into a primitive animal persona, where labels and protocols no longer apply. Wrestling, pulling hair back, biting, and growling are some of the many things that fit into this type of play. Example:  ”Daddy and i identify as primal and we engage in primal play often.”
Progasm [ pro awr-gaz-uh m ] An orgasm from massage of the prostate only, without penile stimulation. Example:  ”Karen only allows her male slaves to progasm. ”
Psycholagny [ sahy-koh lag ny ] The ability to achieve orgasm without any physical stimulation of the genital area, achieved through mental stimulation or fantasy alone”. Example:  ”i've easily come without touch, i guess this means i'm into psycholagny.
Punishment [ puhn-ish-muh nt ] a penalty inflicted for an offense, or fault. Usually to correct behaviour. Example:  ”i am a good girl and dislike punishment.
Push a Limit [ poosh a lim-it ] To cautiously explore a submissive’s limit, either to challenge or encourage the sub to do something they are reluctant to do, but which their Dominant desires. Example:  Pushing limits is part of the fun of BDSM.”
Q Queening [ kween-ing ] Practice in which one partner sits on or over the other’s face, typically to allow, or force, oral-genital or oral-anal contact. Queening-stool/seat/bench: A low stool with a hole or space in the center, designed to facilitate facesitting. Example:  "I've seen Julia queening her slaves until they can barely breathe, but they all love it."
Quirt [ kwe'rt ] A type of whip with two or (occasionally) three short lashes affixed to a long, thin handle. Example:  "I've never used a quirt during play but it looks like it might be fun."
girl tied up with rope BDSM
R Rack [ ra-kh ] Furniture to which the victim is bound by wrists and ankles; the ropes are tightened, stretching the body painfully. (Not to be confused with RACK, an acronym also found below as Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.) Example:  "Being tied to the rack is fun and a little scary, in my opinion."
Rape Play [ rayp-plā ] Scenario in which the bottom is forced to have sex (this is considered edge play and is negotiated prior to the scene) Example:  "i'm not a fan of rape play but i don't ever judge or kink shame others."
Resistance Play [ reh-zist-ants plā ] A mutually consensual activity in which one person struggles against another and is subdued by “force.” Example:  "Resistance play is part of being primal and is soooo hot!"
Reward [ ree-wahrd ] Positive reinforcement for the purpose of transforming the subject’s behavior. May be anything from a favorite BDSM activity (sensual spanking, orgasm) to small gifts to a whispered “good slave!” Example:  "When i'm a good girl, Daddy likes to reward me with stickers and candy!"
Rimming [ rih-m-ming ] Licking or inserting the tongue into another’s anus. Example:  "Please shower carefully if You're going to want me to do some rimming."
Ring Gag [ rih-m-ming ] A gag with a metal ring, often padded with leather, which is placed in the mouth in such a way as to hold the mouth open. Example:  "The ring gag is perfect for face fucking."
Risk-Aware Consensual Kink [ rizk-ah-wayr cahn-sen-shew-al kink ] A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to SSC, but acknowledges that there are always risks in any kind of activity which must be understood and accepted. (Also, R.A.C.K.) Example:  "I practice RACK more than SSC mostly because of the edgeplay i enjoy."
Role Play [ rohl plā ] Scene in which one or more participants assumes the role of a character. Example:  "Karen and Mark enjoy role play most of their play sessions.
Rope Bunny [ roh-pe buhn-nee ] Usually a demo model for rope-fwork during a scene or event. Example:  "Nancy is a rope bunny but she's a Top."
Rules [ roolz ] One or more understood principles governing conduct in a relationship or scene. Example:  "i enjoy following all the rules because i'm a good girl."
S Sadism [ sei-dizm ] Taking pleasure in inflicting pain and/or humiliation upon others, or observing others being hurt (see sadist). Example:  "Mark is really into sadism and enjoys inflicting pain on his sub."
Sadist [ sei-diszt ] A person who enjoys inflicting pain and/or humiliation on another, or observing others being hurt or humiliated, either for power and control or for sexual arousal. Example:  "Mark is a sadist."
Sado-masochism [ sei-doh-masz-oh-kizm ] An activity or practice involving the inflicting or receiving of pain and/or humiliation. (See also: sadist, masochist.) Example:  "Sado-masochism is the SM in BDSM."
Safe, Sane, & Consensual (SSC) [ say-ff, sei-n, and cahn-sen-shew-al ] A standard of conduct for the healthy enjoyment of BDSM participants; similar to RACK, but with an emphasis on making any activity as “safe” and “sane” as possible. Example:  "Safe, sane and consensual is the basis of all BDSM."
Safecall [ sei-ff-cawl ] A prearranged call to advise a friend that you are okay; especially useful in “first meeting” situations. Example:  "Sam, remember, setup a safecall with me before meeting that Dom at Starbucks."
Safe Meeting Practices [ sayf-mee-ting-prahk-tiss-es ] Common-sense precautions to be used when physically meeting someone for the first time. Traditionally, they are for the safety and reassurance of the submissive, although Dominants should also be somewhat cautious. Practices include meeting in a public place, and having an observer present or setting up safecalls. (Note: also a good idea in the “vanilla” world!) Example:  "For your safety, put safe meeting practices in place prior to meeting strangers."
Safeword [ sei-ff-whir-d ] A predesignated word or nonverbal cue used to stop or slow down a BDSM scene. Example:  "i don't have a safeword because we practice consensual non-consent."
Sapiosexual [ sei-pee-oh-seks-shew-al ] The attraction to or arousal by intelligence. Example:  "i am a sapiosexual and i love big brains and i cannot lie."
Scat Play [ ska-t plā ] Play involving the handling of feces. Example:  "i'm not really into scat play but i'm sure people who are, get something from it."
Scene [ seen ] 1. A period of play time devoted to BDSM activity. 2. Of or about the BDSM community, usually capitalized (“the Scene”) Example:  "i've been in the scene for many years."
Self-Bondage [ sehl-f bawn-dij ] The act or practice of tying one’s self up or otherwise restraining oneself, sometimes as a part of masturbation. Example:  "My friend Eric plays with self-bondage cause he lives far & has no Domme."
Sensation Play [ sen-sei-shun plā ] The intent is to push the subject’s sensory limits, using touch, heat/cold, objects of different textures, etc. Often in conjunction with sensory deprivation. Example:  "i enjoy Sensation play when i'm blindfolded."
Sensory Deprivation [ sen-sei-shun plā ] Use of objects such as blindfolds, ear plugs, etc. to deprive the subject of one or more senses. The intent may be to enhance other senses, such as touch, or to cause insecurity. Often used as an exercise in pushing limits or to increase trust. Example:  "Mark and Karen play with sensory deprivation during their scenes."
Service [ sur-viss ] Acts, chores, or labor, sexual or otherwise, performed by a sub for the benefit of a Dom. Example:  "Being of service to my Daddy brings me joy and happiness."
Service-Oriented [ sur-viss-oar-ee-ent-ed ] Acts, chores, or labor, sexual or otherwise, performed by a sub for the benefit of a Dom. Example:  "This girl is a service-orientated slave."
Service-Top [ sur-viss-oar-ee-ent-ed ] A Top whose focus is on giving a bottom what s/he desires. Example:  "Nancy is a service-Top but doesn't really Dominate anyone otherwise."
Shibari [ shee-bah-ree ] A type of bondage originating in Japan and characterized by extremely elaborate and intricate patterns of rope, often used both to restrain the subject and to stimulate the subject by binding or compressing the breasts and/or genitals. The aesthetics of the bondage are considered to be a very important part of this form of bondage. Example:  "Shibari is such a beautiful artform."
Singletail [ sing-uhl-tay-uhl ] Any of a class of whips having a single lash; most commonly applied to bullwhips and signal whips. Singletail whips require skill and training to use properly, and are not easy to master. Example:  "The singletail whip leaves the most painful welts."
Sissy [ sih-see ] A male sub who uses feminization (dressed as a “girl” or naked), often to reach a different emotional or mental state. Example:  "Karen has a sissy slave who dresses up on her command".
Slapper [ sih-see ] A paddle with two pieces of leather that make a loud “slapping” sound when used. Example:  "The slapper is one of my favorite impact toys."
Slave Auction [ slay-vih ock-shun ] An event in which submissives are “sold” to the highest bidder, usually for a limited time, and with prearranged conditions. Example:  "Nancy will attend Karen's annual slave auction this year."
Slave Positions [ slay-vih puh-zih-shunz ] Primarily used for high protocol, these are formalized positions, names and sometimes signals that slaves are expected to assume when their Master or Mistress use that name or signal. They serve various uses, from practical, humiliation, sexual, play, punishment, or comfort. Example:  "Daddy taught me all the slave positions before attending my first BDSM event."
Sleepsack [ slee-pih-sak ] Bondage device similar to a sleeping bag or body bag. Usually very confining; often has straps for added restriction. Caution: may induce claustrophobia! Example:  "Those sleep sacks look super comfortable to me."
Slut [ slee-pih-sak ] A term used variously in centuries previous (see Wiki), currently used as 1) in mainstream society, an insult implying a woman is sexually promiscuous; 2) in the BDSM community, a humiliation word for arousal (either gender); 3) people who take the courage to lead their lives on the concept that “sex is nice and pleasure is good for you.” (The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.) Example:  "i'm not a slut. i'm Daddy's slut."
Smart-ass Masochist [ smardt-ass mah-zoh-kiszt ] Submissive who exhibits bad behavior (such as sarcasm, talking back, or disobedience), either because his/her Dominant enjoys it or to get attention. See Also: Example:  "I've seen Dom's lose it when they encounter a Smart-ass Masochist."
Snake-Bite Kit [ snayk-beidt kit ] The kit comes with rubber suction bulbs which are capable of exerting a high amount of suction. Can be used on sensitive areas such as armpits, nipples, genitals. Example:  "Those snake bit kits are fun for nipple play.
Snowballing [ snoh-bawl-ling ] The act of of kissing another person with a mouth full of cum and transferring it to them. Example:  "I've never tried snowballing, why would i give that deliciousness to someone else?"
Soft Limit [ snoh-bawl-ling ] A limit which is not necessarily set in stone. It may be flexible, may be pushed or may change over time and/or with experience or knowledge of that type of play. Example:  "i don't have many soft limits."
Sound [ snoh-bawl-ling ] A smooth rod, usually metal, for insertion in the urinary passage; comes in a set of graduated sizes. Medically used for expanding the urethra in cases of genital defect, or damage resulting from illness or injury. In BDSM, used forurethral play. Example:  "Karen uses a sound on her male slave. It looks painful but he begs her for it."
Spotter [ spaht-tur ] A person who monitors the safety of a bottom/submissive during a scene, most commonly scenes that involve complex bondage, particularly suspension scenes. Example:  "I'm usually a spotter when I attend events with my best friend."
St. Andrew’s Cross [ sei-nt aan-drewz craw-ss ] A popular type of bondage furniture consisting of an X-shaped cross, equipped with restraint attachment points. Example:  "The St. Andrew's Cross was the first BDSM furniture that I ever tied anyone to."
Strap [ straahp ] A tool of impact play/punishment. Usually consists of one or two long leather strips attached to a handle. Example:  "The strap is fun for impact play."
Sub-Drop [ suhb-drawp ] An emotional condition following intense BDSM play. May experience a wide range of emotions from weepy to clingy to angry to lost and more. It can often be prevented by aftercare immediately after the session. Example:  "Proper aftercare will avoid sub-drop."
Submissive [ suhb-miss-iv ] Person who desires to give up control of themselves, or of certain aspects of their lives, to a Dominant partner. There are as many “styles” of submissiveness as there are submissives. Some may submit only occasionally (as in bottom); others may yearn to submit all of themselves (as in slave). Example:  "i'm completely submissive to One."
Subspace [ suhb-spay-ss ] A “natural high” that a bottom may experience during an intense physical or emotional scene. The sub may feel disconnected from time, space, and/or their body, and may have limited ability to communicate. It is critical that the Dominant takes responsibility for the submissive and care for their well-being while they are in subspace. Subspace can vary widely between submissives and in any sub’s reaction to a given “scene”. The degree and length of “floating” can be used to gauge how strongly s/he was affected by the “scene”. Example:  "Being in subspace is the most delicious feeling evar!"
Suspension [ suh-spen-shun ] Bondage in which the submissive’s weight is totally or partially suspended. Often considered an art form, and can take hours to construct. Example:  "Suspension bondage takes a lot of time and trust."
Swinger [ suh-spen-shun ] Someone in a committed relationship who swaps partners for sex. Example:  "Karen and Mark started in BDSM as swingers"
T Taken-In-Hand [ tay-kihn-in-hahnd ] A monogamous, heterosexual relationship which is male-led, and in which the female defers in matters of everyday life, as well as sexually, to her partner. Similarities in various “era” style relationships (1950s, ‘60s, etc) Example:  "i love being taken-in-hand by my Daddy."
Tawse [ toz ] A paddle with two pieces of leather that make a loud “slapping” sound when used. Example:  "The tawse is a great toy for impact play."
Tease & Denial [ teez nd dih-nahy-uhl ] Keeping another person aroused while delaying or preventing resolution of the feelings, to keep them in a continual state of anticipatory tension and inner conflict, and heightened sensitivity. Example:  "I hate and love tease and denial."
TENS Unit [ tehnz-yoo-nit ] A device which applies electrical currents through pads affixed to the skin. Commonly used in the medical community to relieve pain by blocking the transmission of pain impulses through the nerves. Stands for “transconductance electrical nerve stimulation.” Example:  "A TENS unit can give some yummy shocks."
Toilet [ toy-lit ] A bottom who wishes to be used for toilet-related activities. Example:  "i went to a party once where the host's slave was the toilet for the evening."
Toilet Play [ toy-lit plā ] Play or discipline having to do with the submissive’s elimination of bodily wastes. Example:  "Mark is into toilet play but only with his established subs."
Top Drop [ tawp-drawp ] A sudden, abrupt feeling of depression, unhappiness, or similar negative emotion in a Dominant or Top which may occur after a period of BDSM activity. Some Tops experience it regularly; with others, it may happen when the “scene” did not go as planned, or goes counter to the Top’s ingrained beliefs, either immediately or even days later, and often lessened or prevented by aftercare. Example:  "Good aftercare will avoid Top drop after playtime."
Top From The Bottom [ tawp frohm thuh baw-tom ] A submissive or bottom who attempts to manipulate the Top, in an attempt to gain attention or to have his/her own needs met; for example, intentionally misbehaving to draw punishment. May also apply to a dominant who is able to remain dominant regardless of seeming position or role. Example:  "Topping from the bottom sounds negative to me but some people like it."
Total Power Exchange [ tō-tahl pau̇'er ekss-chay-nj ] A high level of D/s practice, striving for living in a D/s context as much as possible. The Dominant has complete and total power over the submissive’s life. Some TPE relationships do not recognize contracts, safewords, or limits. Example:  "i'm in a 24/7 total power exchange."
Toy [ tȯi ] One who is treated and used, not like a person but like a toy; sex toy, play toy, dog toy, fuck toy. Example:  "This girl is Daddy's toy and He can play with me any way He likes."
Training [ tray-ning ] (1) Instruction by a more experienced member of the community in various aspects of BDSM. (2) Education and discipline of a submissive. May refer to the entire program a Dominant employs to condition his/her submissive; or to individual disciplines, such as pony training, toilet training, etc. Example:  "Every Dominant runs their training differently."
Triskelion [ tri-skel-y-on ] The most commonly recognized symbol of BDSM. Example:  "The triskelion is a popular BDSM symbol seen on jewelry, tattoos & more."
U Under Consideration [ uhn-dur cahn-sid-ur-ay-shun ] Consideration is when the person receiving/having power is still considering or deciding whether to accept the lesser-power partner to a closer, more important, or more responsible position or relationship. Example:  "Mark keeps his subs under consideration before deciding if they'll fit in with his others."
Uniform Play [ yoo-nih-fohrm plā ] Role play in which the wearing of uniforms, such as military or medical uniforms, is a significant part of the role play. Example:  "I adore uniform play and would love to see Daddy in one."
Urethral Play [ yoor-reeth-rahl plā ] Play involving the urinary passage. Commonly uses sounds or catheters. Caution: the urethra and bladder are extremely prone to damage and infection. Women are especially prone to infection, as the urethra is only a few inches long, and contamination can more easily enter the bladder. A person should void their bladder as forcefully as possible immediately after urethral play, as urine will help to flush out contaminants. Example:  "i think urethral play may be one of my hard limits but lots of other people love it."
Urethral Sound [ yoor-reeth-rahl sownd ] A smooth rod, usually metal, for insertion in the urinary passage; comes in a set of graduated sizes. Medically used for expanding the urethra in cases of genital defect, or damage resulting from illness or injury. In BDSM, used for urethral play. Example:  "Phil enjoyed when Karen used the urethral sound on him."
V Vacuum Bed [ vak-yoom behd ] A bondage device composed of a latex envelope spanned by a frame. A suction pump removes most of the air in the envelope. The person inside the envelope breathes through a tube. Example:  "That latex vacuum bed looks so comfortable and hot."
Vampire Gloves [ vam-pire glohvz ] Gloves used for sensation play which have a large number of short spikes or needles protruding from the palms and/or fingers. Example:  "I've always wondered what vampire gloves would feel like on my smooth skin."
Vanilla [ vah-nill-ah ] 1. Person who is not in the BDSM/fetish lifestyle. 2. Anything not involving kinky activities (example: “…my vanilla job”). 3. Behavior which does not encompass kink activity (for example: a D/s couple may have “vanilla” sex). Example:  Vanilla activites are more fun with kinky friends.
Violet Wand [ vi-oh-let wahnd ] A device used for electrical play consisting of a handle, which contains a high-voltage coil called an “Oudin coil,” and several interchangeable electrodes, most commonly made of glass and filled with a gas which glows a brilliant purple in the presence of an electrical field. When used, it causes a static electricity type discharge which can be quite intense, and is accompanied by an impressive flickering light. Example:  "That violet wand stings soooooo good!"
Voice Play [ vois pley ] Play in which the top uses tone and volume of the voice as well as specific words to induce specific feelings in the bottom. e.g. whispering close to the ear to make them shiver. Example:  "Daddy and i used voice play before we even knew it was a BDSM thing."
Voyeurism [ vwah-yur-iz-uh m ] Witnessing others’ sexual play, or innocent activity such as undressing. Often provides the person watching with sexual arousal. Example:  "i definitely induldge in voyeurism..i love watching others play!
girl worships her Dom BDSM
W Wartenberg Wheel [ wahr-tehn-burg wheel ] A small implement consisting of a short handle to which is affixed a small wheel with a number of sharp needle-like projections around its outer edge. Used by neurologists to test nerve function in the skin and by people in the BDSM community for sensation play. Example:  "She squirmed in twisted delight when I ran a Wartenberg Wheel across her skin. "
Watersports [ wah-tur-spohr-tz ] Any play that involves urination, usually involving one person urinating on another for sexual gratification. Sometimes referred to as a Golden Shower. Example:  "He wasn't that into watersports, but I think he peed just to indulge me."
Wax Play [ wakz plā ] The top drips hot wax on the bottom. Safety note: It is important what kind of candle is used, as some have a much higher melting temperature than others, and can cause second-degree burns (blisters). Plain paraffin is best; for example, most ’emergency’ candles (which are also quite cheap). Scented, colored, “long burning”, “dripless” and beeswax candles can burn very hot. Example:  "I care about Veronica's experience, so I studied wax play a lot before starting."
Wooden Horse: [ woo-den horsz ] An implement consisting of a wooden plank supported edgewise between two upright fixed posts, or of two sheets of wood coming together at a sharp angle, to which a submissive is bound with her legs off the floor. The goal is to place pressure on the genitals, and/or to position her for activities such as impact play or penetration. Example:  "We're trying something new this weekend, that's why we bought the wooden horse."
Worship: [ wər-ship ] Play in which the sub worships the cock, pussy or strap on. This often involves oral stimulation, but can be done gagged with lots of caressing and nuzzling. Example:  "I can't explain it-- Jane just loves worship play, and I love when she looks up to me."
X XXX [ trih-puhl-ekss ] The rating conservative society gives to the majority of BDSM-related activities, indicating that in their eyes, it's not fit for minors. Example:  "OMG, did you hear what Jack & Diane do in the bedroom? Super XXX-rated."
Y Yoni [ yoh-nee ] Hindu/tantric term for the vagina; used in the Kama Sutra. Male equivalent: lingam. Example:  "Usually I only let my partner do it, but the yoni massage workshop was great!"
Z Zipper [ zih-pur ] An arrangement of clothespins or spring clamps tied along a length of cord or twine, which can be placed on the body and then yanked off one by one or all at once. Example:  "It was a mind-blowing feeling; every clamp on the zipper yanked off at once."

Insert sweet outro.

All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.

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